21.12.08

We have a new blog

So, we moved :)

It is Christmas time on its way, and I am making an inventory of what this year has brought me. God knows I have time...that is the only thing I have to spare at the moment...and it feels unusual as it is usually the only thing I was always short with.
Life changes....:D

This year has been full of surprises for me, I think I can say that up to now it was one of the worst I have had.
But behind the sad days, there are some gifts I am learning to appreciate just now.
Yes it was hard. I have had my heart cut in half and I at the times I felt so sad I could not even breathe...but I survived and I still believe that to give it all is the only way, no games, no aces in pockets, no faking. Open your heart, do your best and yes, it might get broken, and it will most likely get bruised, but the one who is not playing with all one has, is the one losing even if it might appear the other way.

I have faced some health problems, and I it had thought me not to take my body for granted. It is sturdy enough to take us a long way, but it is not made of Vibram that we can overuse it and not listen to its signals...if well taken care for, it can make the ride if life much more fun.

All of my work plans and ambitions were crashed, but it gave me a chance for a new insight and check up of my OWN goals, not the ones that were put upon me due to the obligation to fulfill expectations of others.
I also learned that when rainy clouds come, my family is the shelter I can run to.

I have lost some of my friends, some walked away with the sunny days, some showed themselves not worthy to carry the name...but in return I have gotten the most wonderful things happen through complete strangers, or people I would not expect it from.
If it goes for a little comic made from a photo, a most thoughtful Christmas gift, or health advice I got it all...at the time when I had my head down as I started to wonder if anyone cares that I exist.
A complete stranger put time and effort to make something nice for me, which thought me, nice things happened when least expected, and they usually come from Finland.:D

And as the year is coming to the end, I am thinking what is it that I have to give. It is easy to give when there is a bank account to support good ideas, gifts can be big and flashy and sometimes hide that the meaning might be missing.
On the other hand it is challenge to give when the finances are an issue, but it brings us to the roots of the giving...it is about sharing and showing we care.

This Christmass, as each one in the past 11 years, I will be spending helping serving the warm meal to homeless people.
Looking at the small place my world has contracted to, I felt a bit sorry for myself today. Until I bought a paper homeless people sell so they can at least earn some money.
There was an article in there about a man who is on the streets for years, and one paragraph had a title in bold letters saying that sometimes he gets only two meals a week.
I came home, took the flour and sugar and starting making cookies. This year there will be no fancy gifts under my Christmas tree, no shiny wrapping paper and no ribbons.
There will be a home made jam, small hand sewn bags of cookies, and forgive me for not being around the table myself at the lunch time, I will be adding the meaning to this year by giving the best I can- dignity to the ones who have really lost it all.

Wishing you all a happy holiday season, and I hope you will find the time to dig into your closets, the skeletons who are hiding in there might have grown some flowers which wait ready to be recognized, and while you are in there, see if there is a warm piece of clothes you do not really need, or some shoes which are out of fashion, and take it with you, together with some cookies or extra food, to the closes shelter for homeless.

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