My 15 minutes of sleep has turned out in 2 hours. I was so tired I am not sleeping well for couple of nights now.
There are no news...I just wanted to say thank you to all who were there with advice and support with me tonight.
I remember couple of years ago I used to visit a friend breeder, so Harski can socialize and play with other cats.
She told me once that she envies me for having neutered boys I can fully enjoy. And I remember thinking how much I envy her for having kittens.
I did not know it was going to be this hard. I am not sure what did I expected, maybe kittens coming while Mozart plays in the background..not Ulla suffering and me not being able to do anything about it.
I have much more respect for the breeders now.
I look at Ulla and ask myself why did I put her through this.
It may sound childlish, and naive, and even if I thought all breeders have the same motive I learned better past moths.
I have felt responsible to the gene pool and wanted to give something back to the breed.
Well, I am not sure she appreciates my higher motives now.
I do ask myself that very question every time anything does not go according to the schedule... and after each bigger problem I am about to quit. Maybe that's what makes a breeder special... that thinking critically is not turned off during the whole thing? ;-)
ReplyDeleteBig hugs to you, you must be awfully tired by now!
Serina
I am, I am dizzy from not sleeping, but she cannot fall asleep and I do not want to leave her unattended.
ReplyDeleteThank you for everything :)
I thought more breeders breed for the gene pool and breed's sake, what I reality crash I have had lately....It seems breed'd benefit is listed somewhere underneath show succes and ego boost to so many:(